I have a history of mental health problems, and I had a dream where I went to hospital and had some blood tests which indicated that I am extremely overweight (which I am) then I had a breakdown, my favourite university lecturer was even mad at me and told me not to run away, I was so angry with her. She asked me what I was thinking and I said that “I can’t do this anymore” and she just screamed at me that I was too much. I then went and found a horse pen to lay down in and some outreach workers came and found me. They asked if I had been using drugs again, even though I have never used drugs so I was angry with them. Then I was getting in trouble because I was so angry at everyone and if felt like people thought I was a bad person. I then had killed someone by pushing them down the stairs when they scared me. This meant everyone thought I was a cold blooded murderer but I was trying to explain that I am a good person, but I’m having a mental health crisis. No one believed me and my phone was taken from me so I couldn’t even call my mum. I just wanted someone to understand that I wasn’t me. My mental health was causing all of these problems but everyone just believed that I was and bad angry person.
Dreams often reflect our subconscious thoughts, feelings, and struggles. Your dream depicts a vivid narrative of your mental health challenges and the feelings of isolation and misunderstanding that can accompany them. Here are some key elements and their possible interpretations:
Hospital and Blood Tests: The hospital symbolizes a place of healing and introspection. Blood tests often involve vulnerability and the fear of facing uncomfortable truths. In your case, it suggests a confrontation with your mental and physical health, particularly regarding your feelings about being overweight.
Breakdown and Anger: The breakdown represents emotional overwhelm, a common experience for those dealing with mental health issues. Your lecturer's anger could symbolize an authority figure in your life who you feel is not understanding your struggles, leading to feelings of resentment.
Feeling Misunderstood: The outreach workers questioning your drug use, despite you never having used drugs, emphasizes feelings of being judged and misunderstood. This reflects the anxiety of how others perceive you amidst your struggles. It’s common to feel that your mental health does not reflect who you truly are.
Violence and Guilt: The act of pushing someone down the stairs may symbolize feelings of losing control or acting out in frustration. This can relate to fears of hurting yourself or others during times of crisis, even if you don't believe you're capable of such actions. This part of the dream highlights your worry about being perceived as dangerous or bad, which amplifies feelings of guilt and shame.
Isolation: Being unable to contact your mother reinforces feelings of isolation and the longing for support and understanding. It indicates a deep need for connection and validation during tough times.
Desire for Understanding: Throughout the dream, there's a clear yearning for understanding and compassion regarding your struggles. Your statement that you're not the person people think you are reflects a fundamental desire to show others the truth of your character beyond your mental health struggles.
Overall, the dream captures themes of vulnerability, the battle against negative perceptions, and the desire for compassion in the face of mental health challenges. Consider it an emotional release, a way for your subconscious to process those feelings and the importance of support in your life. It might also be a prompt for you to seek understanding and connection with those around you, perhaps by sharing your struggles with trusted friends or mental health professionals.